Before you read

Important notice

This book provides general information and the author’s perspective for educational purposes only. It is not legal advice, financial advice, or mental-health treatment, and reading it does not create an attorney-client, therapist-client, or any other professional relationship with the author or publisher.

The author is a licensed clinical social worker, not an attorney and not a custody evaluator. Laws, court rules, and procedures about custody evaluations, guardians ad litem, children’s interviews, testimony, evidence, privilege, confidentiality, and appeals vary by state and county and change over time, and may have changed since this book was written. Nothing here describes the law of any particular place or the practices of any particular evaluator or court. Before acting on anything in this book that could affect your legal rights or your case, consult a licensed attorney where you live.

The stories in this book are illustrative scenarios, not accounts of real clients or cases. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is coincidental.

The author and publisher make no warranties that this information is complete or suited to your situation, and disclaim liability for any loss or harm arising from its use. Your decisions are your own.

If you or anyone else is in danger, call 911. If you are thinking about suicide or are in crisis, call or text 988 in the United States.

A note before you start

The stories in this book are illustrative scenarios, introduced as such. Some combine patterns I’ve encountered repeatedly in clinical and family-court work; others are fictionalized examples written to show those patterns. None portrays an identifiable client or case.

Nothing here is legal advice. Custody evaluations, guardians ad litem, children’s interviews, testimony, and appeals all work differently from state to state and sometimes from county to county. This book deliberately doesn’t describe any one state’s law; where the answer depends on where you live, it tells you to ask. Your attorney knows your judge and your local rules. When this book and your attorney disagree, follow your attorney.

Safety first

If there has been violence, abuse, stalking, or coercive control in your family, in either direction, the evaluation process has to account for it, and so should you. Tell your attorney everything. Follow every protective order exactly. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) serves men too.

And if you’ve done things that frightened your family, the most important thing you can do in this process is tell the truth and get help. Evaluators are trained to look for exactly the patterns people try to hide.